Filled With Secrets

Well, today was a weird day. I am assisting a dude I will call Mr. Snarly. He is a world of fun (and by fun I mean not fun). When I first met him my gaydar went on full effect and I was surprised to find out he was married to a woman. He's flouncy, snarky, pays attention to labels and handbags and crap that no self-respecting straight dude would care about. I figured that he's just closeted but events today have revealed I am ever-so-wrong (or, actually even more right than I think).

Snarly is really actually quite great in that he is easy to work for, makes very little demands, realizes I am a human being and lets me go to auditions, and generally wants to be left alone. Fine with me! His wife is practically the only person who calls all day. He likes to brag about his expensive house and the expensive gifts he gives his wife. He is all about wealth and status and being terribly, terribly bored by the world. I might be mistaking gayness for wealthy ennui.

We've had a bit of an awkward time getting to know each other. His mother died the week before last, and the way he handled it was chilling. They apparently didn't have a good relationship. He knew she was in decline, and the day it happened he off-handedly told me that his mother had just passed and that it was "totally ok, I'm just glad it's over." I realize this could just be the office persona so I'm willing to give him a pass on this one. He clearly has more than one persona, which I will get to below.

This week his position changed to working under a different boss, so we have to move. We've been packing up his office and mine. He's got a lot of crap on his shelves so I've just been throwing it all into boxes (what care I to go through it? Hello, temp!). I pulled out a bunch of old binders and found behind them a stack of porn-ish naked lady trading cards.

This is just not something you want to deal with in your work situations, but these things happen. What does the good temp do? You conjure up your best Joan Holloway and get that stuff out of there immediately, and discreetly. Maybe he saw, maybe he didn't, but I quickly grabbed it and threw it into a box by his desk as if I didn't notice what it was. Fine, whatever.

Then he had left for lunch and left his personal email inbox up on the screen. We had had a conversation the previous day about Twitter, and he was asking me if I was on Twitter and what did I think of it and how silly it seems and stuff. Well, in his inbox was a Twitter "someone is following you" message. Whuh? I'm sorry but I couldn't help but look to see his screenname (for completely innocent purposes of befriending, thinking maybe he'd set up an account after our talk).

...and that's when I found Snarly's other life. A twitter handle not related to his real name, and only a few followers, the first of whom is an LA escort. His very first tweet is something to the effect of "must make time for XXXXX (the escort)." WOWZA, jackpot!! So this dude has a whole lotta other life going on. Very, very strange, and really the only things surprising about it are the following:

1) He speaks to his wife ALL DAY long, they are clearly best friends.
2) I still can't get it through my mind that he's straight.

This all just goes to show a few things: secretaries know your business, people. There's nothing that escapes us. You've been unaccountably gone for hours during the day? We know where you are. Making weird calls or emails? We know what is up. Treat us accordingly and we can either help you or destroy you. Also, WHO THE HELL is stupid enough to cheat on their wives on Twitter? That is just stupid. You WILL be found out eventually, and there's a very public record! THINK, people!

My assignment with Snarl is set to end next Friday, with the possibility of extension. I will report back.