I'd Rather Not

Holy Of Holies, Sal has finally hired an assistant! From all I can glean, she went for the least qualified, least interesting wet noodle that walked through the door. She was so unmemorable that I can't even picture her face or anything about her. SS had several applicants who were extremely intelligent, well-versed in music, and educated. This was too threatening for her. "I'm having a problem with loyalty lately," she mutters often, "I don't trust anyone." As well you shouldn't, lady.

Looking at her resume, SS hired the youngest girl with no knowledge of music. Clever. Now the office will be entirely without music expertise. From Unwitting Victim's resume:

Objective:
To find full time permanent employment, where I can utilize my skills and experience to grow with a stable company. *YAWN*
Skills:
Capable of multi-tasking. Self Starter as well as a team player. Detail oriented and organized. Not detail-oriented enough, however, to use proper grammar and punctuation on her resume. *Sigh*

I pity poor UV.

Does this mean I'm finally off the hook in two weeks and get to take my leave? Not by SS's clock. She wants me to stay on for the worst of reasons. "They're moving my office, and I want you to help with the move."

Umm...no. I'm pretty sure I'm an administrative assistant, not a mover. They have people for that. This is a huge office with an entire room devoted to a CD library. There's crap everywhere. Moving this place would be a gargantuan effort, not to mention the fact that there will already be an assistant here. I have a back injury.

For all these reasons and more, I'm going to employ a method I just learned from Guillermo Del Toro, the director. It's a magic phrase called, "I'd rather not." It's a polite way of saying no in a manner that no one can dispute. Temps, ad this to your oeuvre! It can be used in so many ways:

• Boss wants you to give them your personal phone number. "I'd rather not."
• Boss asks you to do expense reports for them for dinners that were clearly not business-related. "I'd rather not."
• Boss tells you to stay late to help them wank around with stupid crap. "I'd rather not."
• Boss expects you to stay on as her personal slave while she moves offices. "I'd rather not."
• Boss makes you file her divorce child support paperwork. "I'd rather not. NO, REALLY, I'd rather not."

SS has taken a new approach in the way she reprimands me. Because she knows she has no control over me, she's started being passive aggressive to see if that works:

• "When the new girl comes, I won't let her take hour and a half lunches. It's ok with you but not for the new girl."I should note here that she INSISTS I take the long lunch so that she can have time to talk on the phone alone. I'm not complaining.
  
• "When the new girl comes, she will turn on the copier every morning. Don't worry about it, though, you're fine." I DO turn it on, damn you.
  
• "When the new girl comes, make sure she always unlocks my door for me. You don't have to worry about it, but I want her to wait on me hand and foot." Again, poor UV!
  

Hooray for me, though. This shows that I have won the power struggle, and reiterates the Awesome Power Of The Temp. I have finally broken her into realizing the important temp maxim: It's Not Worth The Effort.