Stripper Pumpkins

Seeing as Halloween is coming up next week, my department is preparing for the big Halloween party the building throws every year. It's sort of a big deal. There is a costume contest, a cook-off, and a pumpkin carving contest. I have worked here in the past when we've made absolutely amazing, intricately carved pumpkins. Because I am working in a creative art department who has won the contest several years in a row, I was excited to be included in the Pumpkin Meeting today to discuss what to do this year.

I shot out of the gate strong, with a suggestion that since the Sweeney Todd movie is about to come out, we should do Sweeney Todd pumpkins. We could have one pumpkin slicing another one's neck and pumpkin guts spilling out all over. The crowning glory of it would be the pumpkins turned into pumpkin pies (if you know the story you will know that that is the raddest idea ever). People liked this. We talked on it further. Some people threw out other great suggestions. Indiana Jones theme with eyeball soup, Transformers pumpkins, Britney Spears with her little pumpkins being taken away (ugggh, I know), Dead Man's Party with bloody dripping disco ball pumpkin, etc. Someone asked for something politically topical so I suggested Pumpkins Without Health Insurance, which was just a joke but they sort of ran with it and had some funny ideas.

BUT then This One Guy decides to chime in.

"Stripper Pumpkins," says he.

We all just sort of stare at him.

"Like, in what sense?" asked we.

"You know, like, get some Barbies and put pumpkin heads on them and they're naked and wrapped around stripper poles."

Crickets.

We go about our business, discussing other ideas, and it's all put to vote. Sweeney Todd is way ahead with Britney (uggh, I know) a close second. Then This One Guy says, "don't forget Stripper Pumpkins." So they put it to the vote, and EVERY MAN IN THE ROOM (which of course there are more men than women) RAISES HIS HAND.

So, Stripper Pumpkins it is. You can't even CARVE anything with that. It's not even clever. You fucking idiots.

Meanwhile, Southern California is burning to the ground and my boss has only this to say, "I don't know how you feel about capital punishment, but the only way to stop them is if they take all these arsonists and fucking burn them to death on television for everyone to see. They should just fucking burn them, because fire is the only thing they fear." Uhhhh.