Pet Peeves

Oh, I'm still here. Will try to share more temping horror stories. Sorry for the hiatus. I have been temping all over the studio again, going on very quick one-day to one-week jobs. There has been plenty to talk about. I'll start with things that drive me nuts about people's workspaces:

• COMIC SANS font. Really, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you typing official documents EVER with this font? Why is this your system font? Again I ask, what is wrong with you? We aren't playing The Sims.

• Not explaining who the hell I'm supposed to be helping in your notes for the temp. You'd be amazed at how many people forget to give out this very BASIC information: who you're supporting, what phone lines you're answering, and what their phone lines are. Not to mention never explaining if you announce your calls via AIM, intercom, or good old-fashioned yelling.

• Incorrect spelling in your temp notes. Really? You never learned how to spell or punctuate? You don't know the difference between "their" and "they're," and you're employed as an assistant at a major corporation? I know many people who deserve your job much more than you do.

• You use your work email as your personal email address? Really? In 2010? You are getting Facebook messages and daily inspiration from your women's group in your work Outlook? Are you stupid? Also, do you realize that I am reading everything you get in your Inbox? While we're at it, you might want to think about using a different email address for your new job searches. And for God's sake, change your background image to something decent. I do not want to see you drunk.

• Your computer setup makes no sense. I know everyone has different ergonomic needs, but I'd say that 85% of the time, the workspace setup is downright atrocious. Like unacceptably uncomfortable and annoying in ways that make no sense. How are you not in traction? I get so much back pain from sitting in your seat and trying to use your keyboard and monitor the way you have them situated, I don't understand how you are alive right now.

• Your notes asking not to change your computer settings in any way. Well, I wouldn't HAVE to if you weren't such an irresponsible internet user, or if your monitor wasn't set to 800 x 600. I always install my own browser (usually Google Chrome because most people don't have it on their computer) so I can browse in peace without getting contaminated by your unsafe internet use. Don't tell me how to use your computer. (Note: I keep a list of everything I've changed and always change it all back, because I know you want all your spyware exactly where you left it.)

• No, I will not use your AIM screenname. You wouldn't believe how many people tell you to use their screenname to announce calls and stuff. Absolutely not! As much fun as it is to be privy to your sordid social life, and as tempting as it is to make up all kinds of wild lies to your friends posing as you, I won't do this. I usually make some excuse that my temp company doesn't allow me to pose as someone else. And then I use my own screenname.

This list to be continued.