I am in a much better assignment. People leave me alone, generally. I have discovered a new tactic I haven't tried before in temping that seems to be paying off. I'm dressing more office-y. I'm finding this helps me give the perception that I care more than I do. So I can be generally lazy, but if someone comes over and I look all corporate, I MUST be doing something efficient! I am also using a more commanding, serious voice with my bosses. A voice that says "I am incredibly attentive and perky!" Inside I am just pretending I am on Mad Men.
...this could change tomorrow on my whim. I am not sure how long I can keep up the dressing up thing. It's a pain, but a fun experiment!
26 August 2009
21 August 2009
Dumped
Well, it has to happen to every temp sometime, and it is happening to me. I have been "re-assigned." No one has said anything, but I'm guessing it's because I HATE THIS CURRENT ASSIGNMENT and have done a gloriously crappy job of even being present. I am working in a promotions department that is so utterly busy and insane that I just can't keep up with it. And no one is helping me keep up with it. (Always try to avoid promotions departments wherever possible)
Here's the hard thing about being a temp: if you have a doctor's appointment or an act of God that keeps you from being at work, no one is on your side to back you up. My case this week: my flight home was cancelled so I had to miss a day of work, then got back and was very ill and needed immediate doctor's care, then had an audition the next day, then had another doctor's appt., then I had to leave early due to a pre-arranged half-day. These things HAPPEN. But when you're a temp, people do NOT appreciate it.
It is very hard to walk up to a perfect stranger you've just started working for and say, "I am in physical therapy and need to be at a doctor's appointment twice a week during lunch." You never know what you're going to get. A good majority of people will be kind and considerate and have no problem. And then you'll get an office like this, where it is a MAJOR inconvenience. But DO NOT sacrifice your health or real career (in my case acting) for these people! If you need to go to a doctor, GO TO THE FREAKIN' DOCTOR. The office is not going to burn down in your absence. The calls will be taken care of. The reports will be filed.
It is never good if you are on a job where you have to report to someone if you are leaving your desk to go to the bathroom. RED FLASHING LIGHT, fellow temps! Do what you can to get out of jobs with this kind of setup. This means that every minute is monitored. This means that you are beholden to someone else when it comes to your lunch hour so that "all the phones can be answered on the first ring!" No, no, no. This will not do. My tactic in this situation has been to just go to the damn bathroom, and if someone calls you on it, look at them with horror and say, "are you serious?" This just might change their mindset or help them see their current pathetic existences in a new light.
...or it might get you transferred out. Which, come on, as much as my pride is hurt, I am glad to be out of here. This place blows. I hate feeling like a failure but the great thing about temping is, THEY WILL FORGET, and NO ONE CARES. I already have a new assignment for Monday. OUT!
Here's the hard thing about being a temp: if you have a doctor's appointment or an act of God that keeps you from being at work, no one is on your side to back you up. My case this week: my flight home was cancelled so I had to miss a day of work, then got back and was very ill and needed immediate doctor's care, then had an audition the next day, then had another doctor's appt., then I had to leave early due to a pre-arranged half-day. These things HAPPEN. But when you're a temp, people do NOT appreciate it.
It is very hard to walk up to a perfect stranger you've just started working for and say, "I am in physical therapy and need to be at a doctor's appointment twice a week during lunch." You never know what you're going to get. A good majority of people will be kind and considerate and have no problem. And then you'll get an office like this, where it is a MAJOR inconvenience. But DO NOT sacrifice your health or real career (in my case acting) for these people! If you need to go to a doctor, GO TO THE FREAKIN' DOCTOR. The office is not going to burn down in your absence. The calls will be taken care of. The reports will be filed.
It is never good if you are on a job where you have to report to someone if you are leaving your desk to go to the bathroom. RED FLASHING LIGHT, fellow temps! Do what you can to get out of jobs with this kind of setup. This means that every minute is monitored. This means that you are beholden to someone else when it comes to your lunch hour so that "all the phones can be answered on the first ring!" No, no, no. This will not do. My tactic in this situation has been to just go to the damn bathroom, and if someone calls you on it, look at them with horror and say, "are you serious?" This just might change their mindset or help them see their current pathetic existences in a new light.
...or it might get you transferred out. Which, come on, as much as my pride is hurt, I am glad to be out of here. This place blows. I hate feeling like a failure but the great thing about temping is, THEY WILL FORGET, and NO ONE CARES. I already have a new assignment for Monday. OUT!
01 July 2009
Filled With Secrets
Well, today was a weird day. I am assisting a dude I will call Mr. Snarly. He is a world of fun (and by fun I mean not fun). When I first met him my gaydar went on full effect and I was surprised to find out he was married to a woman. He's flouncy, snarky, pays attention to labels and handbags and crap that no self-respecting straight dude would care about. I figured that he's just closeted but events today have revealed I am ever-so-wrong (or, actually even more right than I think).
Snarly is really actually quite great in that he is easy to work for, makes very little demands, realizes I am a human being and lets me go to auditions, and generally wants to be left alone. Fine with me! His wife is practically the only person who calls all day. He likes to brag about his expensive house and the expensive gifts he gives his wife. He is all about wealth and status and being terribly, terribly bored by the world. I might be mistaking gayness for wealthy ennui.
We've had a bit of an awkward time getting to know each other. His mother died the week before last, and the way he handled it was chilling. They apparently didn't have a good relationship. He knew she was in decline, and the day it happened he off-handedly told me that his mother had just passed and that it was "totally ok, I'm just glad it's over." I realize this could just be the office persona so I'm willing to give him a pass on this one. He clearly has more than one persona, which I will get to below.
This week his position changed to working under a different boss, so we have to move. We've been packing up his office and mine. He's got a lot of crap on his shelves so I've just been throwing it all into boxes (what care I to go through it? Hello, temp!). I pulled out a bunch of old binders and found behind them a stack of porn-ish naked lady trading cards.
This is just not something you want to deal with in your work situations, but these things happen. What does the good temp do? You conjure up your best Joan Holloway and get that stuff out of there immediately, and discreetly. Maybe he saw, maybe he didn't, but I quickly grabbed it and threw it into a box by his desk as if I didn't notice what it was. Fine, whatever.
Then he had left for lunch and left his personal email inbox up on the screen. We had had a conversation the previous day about Twitter, and he was asking me if I was on Twitter and what did I think of it and how silly it seems and stuff. Well, in his inbox was a Twitter "someone is following you" message. Whuh? I'm sorry but I couldn't help but look to see his screenname (for completely innocent purposes of befriending, thinking maybe he'd set up an account after our talk).
...and that's when I found Snarly's other life. A twitter handle not related to his real name, and only a few followers, the first of whom is an LA escort. His very first tweet is something to the effect of "must make time for XXXXX (the escort)." WOWZA, jackpot!! So this dude has a whole lotta other life going on. Very, very strange, and really the only things surprising about it are the following:
1) He speaks to his wife ALL DAY long, they are clearly best friends.
2) I still can't get it through my mind that he's straight.
This all just goes to show a few things: secretaries know your business, people. There's nothing that escapes us. You've been unaccountably gone for hours during the day? We know where you are. Making weird calls or emails? We know what is up. Treat us accordingly and we can either help you or destroy you. Also, WHO THE HELL is stupid enough to cheat on their wives on Twitter? That is just stupid. You WILL be found out eventually, and there's a very public record! THINK, people!
My assignment with Snarl is set to end next Friday, with the possibility of extension. I will report back.
Snarly is really actually quite great in that he is easy to work for, makes very little demands, realizes I am a human being and lets me go to auditions, and generally wants to be left alone. Fine with me! His wife is practically the only person who calls all day. He likes to brag about his expensive house and the expensive gifts he gives his wife. He is all about wealth and status and being terribly, terribly bored by the world. I might be mistaking gayness for wealthy ennui.
We've had a bit of an awkward time getting to know each other. His mother died the week before last, and the way he handled it was chilling. They apparently didn't have a good relationship. He knew she was in decline, and the day it happened he off-handedly told me that his mother had just passed and that it was "totally ok, I'm just glad it's over." I realize this could just be the office persona so I'm willing to give him a pass on this one. He clearly has more than one persona, which I will get to below.
This week his position changed to working under a different boss, so we have to move. We've been packing up his office and mine. He's got a lot of crap on his shelves so I've just been throwing it all into boxes (what care I to go through it? Hello, temp!). I pulled out a bunch of old binders and found behind them a stack of porn-ish naked lady trading cards.
This is just not something you want to deal with in your work situations, but these things happen. What does the good temp do? You conjure up your best Joan Holloway and get that stuff out of there immediately, and discreetly. Maybe he saw, maybe he didn't, but I quickly grabbed it and threw it into a box by his desk as if I didn't notice what it was. Fine, whatever.
Then he had left for lunch and left his personal email inbox up on the screen. We had had a conversation the previous day about Twitter, and he was asking me if I was on Twitter and what did I think of it and how silly it seems and stuff. Well, in his inbox was a Twitter "someone is following you" message. Whuh? I'm sorry but I couldn't help but look to see his screenname (for completely innocent purposes of befriending, thinking maybe he'd set up an account after our talk).
...and that's when I found Snarly's other life. A twitter handle not related to his real name, and only a few followers, the first of whom is an LA escort. His very first tweet is something to the effect of "must make time for XXXXX (the escort)." WOWZA, jackpot!! So this dude has a whole lotta other life going on. Very, very strange, and really the only things surprising about it are the following:
1) He speaks to his wife ALL DAY long, they are clearly best friends.
2) I still can't get it through my mind that he's straight.
This all just goes to show a few things: secretaries know your business, people. There's nothing that escapes us. You've been unaccountably gone for hours during the day? We know where you are. Making weird calls or emails? We know what is up. Treat us accordingly and we can either help you or destroy you. Also, WHO THE HELL is stupid enough to cheat on their wives on Twitter? That is just stupid. You WILL be found out eventually, and there's a very public record! THINK, people!
My assignment with Snarl is set to end next Friday, with the possibility of extension. I will report back.
03 March 2009
Back From The Undead
My (mostly) wonderful assignment of over a year and a half ended last week, so I am "back on the market," as it were, and back here ready to report on my findings in the Magical World Of Temp. I will certainly miss my long-term gig, and if for any reason I am invited back I will certainly take it. It was a good gig, where I didn't have to answer anyone's phones and people generally left me alone.
I am already on a short assignment in a new place and trying to remember how to be pleasant and phone-friendly. It's amazing, too, how quickly you forget how to operate machinery you don't care about once you've been away from it. I haven't used the phone system for admin assistant purposes for a long time and I'm a bit rusty. I already dropped a major boss's call today. Which on some level pleased me. YOU DO NOT OWN ME!
So far the current assignment is quiet and nice, or at least was until my supervisor just dropped in, looked around and saw that I was somewhat at peace, and came up with a Pointless Busywork task for me to do. I broke the cardinal rule of temping, which is Always Look Busy. Will have to correct that by taking forever to do this task, therefore keeping me from being assigned any more random stuff.
More soon, I'm sure.
I am already on a short assignment in a new place and trying to remember how to be pleasant and phone-friendly. It's amazing, too, how quickly you forget how to operate machinery you don't care about once you've been away from it. I haven't used the phone system for admin assistant purposes for a long time and I'm a bit rusty. I already dropped a major boss's call today. Which on some level pleased me. YOU DO NOT OWN ME!
So far the current assignment is quiet and nice, or at least was until my supervisor just dropped in, looked around and saw that I was somewhat at peace, and came up with a Pointless Busywork task for me to do. I broke the cardinal rule of temping, which is Always Look Busy. Will have to correct that by taking forever to do this task, therefore keeping me from being assigned any more random stuff.
More soon, I'm sure.
25 October 2007
In The Land of Homophobes
I can't help it. Sometimes my anger gets the better of me, and I get sick of peoples' crap, and I tell them so. I should just shut up about it because they end up hating me and I end up being ostracized for being some kind of PC asshole and blah blah blah.
Just now, a group of annoying co-workers who I'm only tangentially related to were blabbing VERY LOUDLY right behind my desk about the Big Revelation this week that Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter is...*SHOCK!*...gay. WELL, you would think JK Rowling had announced he was a child-molesting serial killer. They just went ON and ON and ON.
"This is what happens when stupid celebrities open their big mouths and say stupid crap when they should just shut the hell up. She needs to just shut up."
"Aren't these books supposed to be for KIDS?"
"I can see Harry Potter all grown up having to go to therapy because he'd been touched by the head wizard."
"It's just like the Catholic Church with the molesting priests."
WAIT WHAT? This is when I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer. "You guys," I said, a little annoyed, "just because he's gay doesn't mean he's a child molester..." and these words are not even out of my mouth when everyone just gives me a look of death and says "We're just joking, HELLO, JOKE? I guess you can't take a joke, etc." Like I'm the annoying feminist bitch ruining everyone's fun.
"She just did it to make millions more dollars," one of them said.
"Um, no," says I, "if anything, she just lost a LOT MORE of her audience for saying that."
"Come on, guys, let's go talk about NON-OFFENSIVE things somewhere else..." blah blah blah and they leave.
FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES. GODDAMMIT.
Then, yesterday was Stripper Pumpkin Meeting #2. I went simply for the blog factor. The meeting was an exercise in torture. The idea sucked so hard that no one had any ideas for it, and no one wanted to help until another higher up female exec comes in and says, "let's make sure one of the strippers is male." To which the few ladies were like "yeah!" and the men were PISSED. I mean PISSED.
"That won't make any sense at all!" protested the original idea guy.
"Uh, yeah, and strippers with pumpkins for heads makes a lot of sense to begin with," says I. My stupid mouth. He gave me a look of death and insisted it went up for a vote. Of course, all the men said Nay but there was a woman in charge of the whole project so she wrote down "Ken Doll" anyway. HA!
The reason this is bad is because it causes me to Stand Out, and that's never good as a temp. You don't want to be That Feminist Pushy Bitch. You want to be the "uh I think that girl does something here." So I need to shut up. But it's hard sometimes.
Just now, a group of annoying co-workers who I'm only tangentially related to were blabbing VERY LOUDLY right behind my desk about the Big Revelation this week that Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter is...*SHOCK!*...gay. WELL, you would think JK Rowling had announced he was a child-molesting serial killer. They just went ON and ON and ON.
"This is what happens when stupid celebrities open their big mouths and say stupid crap when they should just shut the hell up. She needs to just shut up."
"Aren't these books supposed to be for KIDS?"
"I can see Harry Potter all grown up having to go to therapy because he'd been touched by the head wizard."
"It's just like the Catholic Church with the molesting priests."
WAIT WHAT? This is when I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer. "You guys," I said, a little annoyed, "just because he's gay doesn't mean he's a child molester..." and these words are not even out of my mouth when everyone just gives me a look of death and says "We're just joking, HELLO, JOKE? I guess you can't take a joke, etc." Like I'm the annoying feminist bitch ruining everyone's fun.
"She just did it to make millions more dollars," one of them said.
"Um, no," says I, "if anything, she just lost a LOT MORE of her audience for saying that."
"Come on, guys, let's go talk about NON-OFFENSIVE things somewhere else..." blah blah blah and they leave.
FUCK YOU, ASSHOLES. GODDAMMIT.
Then, yesterday was Stripper Pumpkin Meeting #2. I went simply for the blog factor. The meeting was an exercise in torture. The idea sucked so hard that no one had any ideas for it, and no one wanted to help until another higher up female exec comes in and says, "let's make sure one of the strippers is male." To which the few ladies were like "yeah!" and the men were PISSED. I mean PISSED.
"That won't make any sense at all!" protested the original idea guy.
"Uh, yeah, and strippers with pumpkins for heads makes a lot of sense to begin with," says I. My stupid mouth. He gave me a look of death and insisted it went up for a vote. Of course, all the men said Nay but there was a woman in charge of the whole project so she wrote down "Ken Doll" anyway. HA!
The reason this is bad is because it causes me to Stand Out, and that's never good as a temp. You don't want to be That Feminist Pushy Bitch. You want to be the "uh I think that girl does something here." So I need to shut up. But it's hard sometimes.
22 October 2007
Stripper Pumpkins
Seeing as Halloween is coming up next week, my department is preparing for the big Halloween party the building throws every year. It's sort of a big deal. There is a costume contest, a cook-off, and a pumpkin carving contest. I have worked here in the past when we've made absolutely amazing, intricately carved pumpkins. Because I am working in a creative art department who has won the contest several years in a row, I was excited to be included in the Pumpkin Meeting today to discuss what to do this year.
I shot out of the gate strong, with a suggestion that since the Sweeney Todd movie is about to come out, we should do Sweeney Todd pumpkins. We could have one pumpkin slicing another one's neck and pumpkin guts spilling out all over. The crowning glory of it would be the pumpkins turned into pumpkin pies (if you know the story you will know that that is the raddest idea ever). People liked this. We talked on it further. Some people threw out other great suggestions. Indiana Jones theme with eyeball soup, Transformers pumpkins, Britney Spears with her little pumpkins being taken away (ugggh, I know), Dead Man's Party with bloody dripping disco ball pumpkin, etc. Someone asked for something politically topical so I suggested Pumpkins Without Health Insurance, which was just a joke but they sort of ran with it and had some funny ideas.
BUT then This One Guy decides to chime in.
"Stripper Pumpkins," says he.
We all just sort of stare at him.
"Like, in what sense?" asked we.
"You know, like, get some Barbies and put pumpkin heads on them and they're naked and wrapped around stripper poles."
Crickets.
We go about our business, discussing other ideas, and it's all put to vote. Sweeney Todd is way ahead with Britney (uggh, I know) a close second. Then This One Guy says, "don't forget Stripper Pumpkins." So they put it to the vote, and EVERY MAN IN THE ROOM (which of course there are more men than women) RAISES HIS HAND.
So, Stripper Pumpkins it is. You can't even CARVE anything with that. It's not even clever. You fucking idiots.
Meanwhile, Southern California is burning to the ground and my boss has only this to say, "I don't know how you feel about capital punishment, but the only way to stop them is if they take all these arsonists and fucking burn them to death on television for everyone to see. They should just fucking burn them, because fire is the only thing they fear." Uhhhh.
I shot out of the gate strong, with a suggestion that since the Sweeney Todd movie is about to come out, we should do Sweeney Todd pumpkins. We could have one pumpkin slicing another one's neck and pumpkin guts spilling out all over. The crowning glory of it would be the pumpkins turned into pumpkin pies (if you know the story you will know that that is the raddest idea ever). People liked this. We talked on it further. Some people threw out other great suggestions. Indiana Jones theme with eyeball soup, Transformers pumpkins, Britney Spears with her little pumpkins being taken away (ugggh, I know), Dead Man's Party with bloody dripping disco ball pumpkin, etc. Someone asked for something politically topical so I suggested Pumpkins Without Health Insurance, which was just a joke but they sort of ran with it and had some funny ideas.
BUT then This One Guy decides to chime in.
"Stripper Pumpkins," says he.
We all just sort of stare at him.
"Like, in what sense?" asked we.
"You know, like, get some Barbies and put pumpkin heads on them and they're naked and wrapped around stripper poles."
Crickets.
We go about our business, discussing other ideas, and it's all put to vote. Sweeney Todd is way ahead with Britney (uggh, I know) a close second. Then This One Guy says, "don't forget Stripper Pumpkins." So they put it to the vote, and EVERY MAN IN THE ROOM (which of course there are more men than women) RAISES HIS HAND.
So, Stripper Pumpkins it is. You can't even CARVE anything with that. It's not even clever. You fucking idiots.
Meanwhile, Southern California is burning to the ground and my boss has only this to say, "I don't know how you feel about capital punishment, but the only way to stop them is if they take all these arsonists and fucking burn them to death on television for everyone to see. They should just fucking burn them, because fire is the only thing they fear." Uhhhh.
17 October 2007
I'll Give YOU A Green Footprint
This morning we had a meeting in which the one truly socially conscious leader of the department, Harried Harriet (she is overworked) went over all the current recycling initiatives in place. This includes recycling everything from batteries, CDs, DVDs, papers, plastics, you name it, and you can probably recycle it in some manner. People laughed and talked through her whole presentation.
I know first hand that it has been a tooth and nail fight to get even the most rudimentary systems in place for reducing, re-using, and recycling in the department. For instance, everyone was given their very own free mug with the studio logo on it, made from recycled glass, and very fine looking indeed. Has this stopped anyone from using paper and Styrofoam cups several times a day for their stupid coffee? No. Does a totally free, never-ending water pitcher keep people from using one-use water bottles that are then thrown into the trash? No. Does anyone seem to notice that there's a recycling bin DIRECTLY NEXT to the trash? I've griped on this before, I know, but I just don't understand how it can be that hard to move your hand two inches to the right.
I shouldn't be surprised. Just the other day, one dude in the department, when told he can recycle 1, 2, and 3 plastics in the bin, looked around in wonder and said, "They have NUMBERS?" as if he'd just awakened on the moon. In my role as temp, I could only sit in today's meeting and try to look attentive while everyone joked and complained about having to hear about stupid green initiatives. I wish, just for one second, people would stop and take a look at their place in the world and how their choices affect everyone around them. I do genuinely see a begrudging change happening, however. At least there ARE recycling bins now, and people have a vague sense that someone might nag them if they don't use them.
In other news, my current assignment from heaven is scheduled to be ending at the end of November. As much as I detest the actual details of my job, the perk of sitting next to husband and being at leisurely hours and having a rad computer and being able to listen to music and not having to answer someone's phone or report when I'm going to the bathroom are significant. The jockeying between myself and my co-worker to continue in our appointed roles has begun in earnest. There is a tender hope that both of us will be renewed for many more months, but there is no guarantee of such a thing happening. I realized last week I had better get a good chunk of actual work done so as to look like I'm Totally Productive. This also means dressing slightly more professionally (EVER so slightly, dear reader, I can't begin to try that hard) and pretending I'm thinking hard whenever Scrubb comes around. I'm not sure how much this can mask the fact that I've been Totally Un-Productive. I'll let you know in a month.
I know first hand that it has been a tooth and nail fight to get even the most rudimentary systems in place for reducing, re-using, and recycling in the department. For instance, everyone was given their very own free mug with the studio logo on it, made from recycled glass, and very fine looking indeed. Has this stopped anyone from using paper and Styrofoam cups several times a day for their stupid coffee? No. Does a totally free, never-ending water pitcher keep people from using one-use water bottles that are then thrown into the trash? No. Does anyone seem to notice that there's a recycling bin DIRECTLY NEXT to the trash? I've griped on this before, I know, but I just don't understand how it can be that hard to move your hand two inches to the right.
I shouldn't be surprised. Just the other day, one dude in the department, when told he can recycle 1, 2, and 3 plastics in the bin, looked around in wonder and said, "They have NUMBERS?" as if he'd just awakened on the moon. In my role as temp, I could only sit in today's meeting and try to look attentive while everyone joked and complained about having to hear about stupid green initiatives. I wish, just for one second, people would stop and take a look at their place in the world and how their choices affect everyone around them. I do genuinely see a begrudging change happening, however. At least there ARE recycling bins now, and people have a vague sense that someone might nag them if they don't use them.
In other news, my current assignment from heaven is scheduled to be ending at the end of November. As much as I detest the actual details of my job, the perk of sitting next to husband and being at leisurely hours and having a rad computer and being able to listen to music and not having to answer someone's phone or report when I'm going to the bathroom are significant. The jockeying between myself and my co-worker to continue in our appointed roles has begun in earnest. There is a tender hope that both of us will be renewed for many more months, but there is no guarantee of such a thing happening. I realized last week I had better get a good chunk of actual work done so as to look like I'm Totally Productive. This also means dressing slightly more professionally (EVER so slightly, dear reader, I can't begin to try that hard) and pretending I'm thinking hard whenever Scrubb comes around. I'm not sure how much this can mask the fact that I've been Totally Un-Productive. I'll let you know in a month.
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